Mirror Mirror on the Wall

Ugh. The thing about gyms, that apparently I have forgotten, is that they have mirrors everywhere. In my mind's eye I look a certain way but according to those fun house mirrors at the gym I look like an old tired pudgy chick. I kept trying to not catch sight of my butt while running on the treadmill but it was virtually impossible. I am trying to find it all motivating.

This week the students in my class should blog about their motivation for change. My motivation for change is in part that horrible mirror image that I saw today. I want to look better. I am sooo tired of feeling unfit, weak, heavy and tired.

My motivation for the Mud Run goes beyond just getting my body in shape though. Fear is a driving force. My Mom is ill. Weirdly ill. No one knows for sure what is going on but it seems like she is suffering from mini-strokes. She is 68 and is losing her memory, her personality, her ability to walk, her ability to connect.

Late at night I think I have 28 years left. Will I be able to be there for Rowan and Lila when they have their kids? Will this happen to me? My husband scoffs and says "but you are so much healthier than your Mom. Your Mom smokes, eats poorly and never exercises". He's right. I am healthier but I am carrying tons of extra weight on a very small frame. My mom has always been thin. Being this heavy is just about as bad as smoking, a few more pounds and it would be as bad as smoking a pack a day for my health. I want to be there to see my children marry, have children of their own, graduate from top universities (with full athletic scholarships). I want to be able to be around to help watch their kids when we all go to the beach. I want to be able to remember my granddaughters name.

My update for this week:

I only worked out 3 times this week.
Monday = Park workout
Tuesday = Running with Lila as coach
Saturday = Ran at the gym and lifted weights until my arms started to shake.

Successes this week included resisting birthday cake and the offered margarita at the birthday party today. I really wanted that damn margarita.

Is the step my friend or my nemesis? Or both?

These are photos of my first step class in four years. That is my friend Michelle Dozois on the left and on the right are my friend Betsy and my best friend Giusy. They are both in amazing shape despite Giusy's recent illness she looks hot and looked really strong in class. Do you see the people in the background looking in? They are thinking why would anyone do this to their bodies. That's me getting ready at the bottom of the post. I was so sure that I was going to puke. Michelle hadn't taught step in like 7 years and was muttering curses at Giusy for making her teach it again. I walked into the room and saw people I haven't seen in you know two babies worth of weight. A couple people looked at my rather less than stellar shape and you know just said nothing. The class was great. Michelle teaches a really fun class. After about ten minutes I thought "okay this is freakin hard". But Michelle made this class fairly simple and I was able to do a turn, a spin & a backwards touch thing. The class ended up being about 45 minutes long and she did some ab work at the end. That made me realize how weak my abs still are. I was in pain. I used to spend hours in the gym. I would do weights first and then do Michelle's class. I am happy that I made it through the 45 minutes.


Here is my update. Last week I almost trained like I should. I worked out 4 times and ran twice. I am trying to run three times a week and do 5 workouts a week.

Monday: Park workout
Tuesday: 30 Mins run/walk through South Pasadena - Lila was running coach
Thursday: 30 mins walk/run at Breakthru with some weights
Saturday: Step class

My goal and plan of action

I have never really been a runner. I have been athletic, but running has never really been my thing. My life is crazy now and I find that running is one of the easiest ways to get a good workout done in a minimal amount of time. I want a fitness challenge to work towards and I have decided to do the Camp Pendleton Mud Run this June. This is a 10k race with obstacles.

Karissa and Christy really encouraged me to it. Thom, Jay, Mara and a friend of Karissa's make up our 5 person team. They are all in much better shape then me and I worry about being the weak link. I have less than 6 months to get this body into fighting shape.

My plan of action is to start running three days a week and follow the cool running plan. I will also train with my other team members about once every two weeks. I will workout 2 additional days a week to mix it up.