Ugh. The thing about gyms, that apparently I have forgotten, is that they have mirrors everywhere. In my mind's eye I look a certain way but according to those fun house mirrors at the gym I look like an old tired pudgy chick. I kept trying to not catch sight of my butt while running on the treadmill but it was virtually impossible. I am trying to find it all motivating.
This week the students in my class should blog about their motivation for change. My motivation for change is in part that horrible mirror image that I saw today. I want to look better. I am sooo tired of feeling unfit, weak, heavy and tired.
My motivation for the Mud Run goes beyond just getting my body in shape though. Fear is a driving force. My Mom is ill. Weirdly ill. No one knows for sure what is going on but it seems like she is suffering from mini-strokes. She is 68 and is losing her memory, her personality, her ability to walk, her ability to connect.
Late at night I think I have 28 years left. Will I be able to be there for Rowan and Lila when they have their kids? Will this happen to me? My husband scoffs and says "but you are so much healthier than your Mom. Your Mom smokes, eats poorly and never exercises". He's right. I am healthier but I am carrying tons of extra weight on a very small frame. My mom has always been thin. Being this heavy is just about as bad as smoking, a few more pounds and it would be as bad as smoking a pack a day for my health. I want to be there to see my children marry, have children of their own, graduate from top universities (with full athletic scholarships). I want to be able to be around to help watch their kids when we all go to the beach. I want to be able to remember my granddaughters name.
My update for this week:
I only worked out 3 times this week.
Monday = Park workout
Tuesday = Running with Lila as coach
Saturday = Ran at the gym and lifted weights until my arms started to shake.
Successes this week included resisting birthday cake and the offered margarita at the birthday party today. I really wanted that damn margarita.
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Wow! That was was amazing! Your motivation is all that matters. This week I went out of order for my blog post and was wondering if this was ok. I wrote on topic g)
ReplyDeleteI find your butt motivating :D
ReplyDeleteAnd if you'd had that margarita, we would have had to call a cab. It was prescription strength.
You're motivation made me tear up a bit!!! I believe family is the best motivation of all and I'm sure your children will appreciate your efforts when their older =).
ReplyDeleteMy mother had a stroke at 47 and I thought the same thing at 19. My mom was a really heavy smoker and just put herself last when it came to her health.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing your kids a huge favor by taking this on now. I had to quit school for a year to take care of her. You should be so proud of yourself for sparing your kids from that kind of worry and concern.
By the way, I love margaritas too. I wish there was an ocean of made of margarita...