Proud of the class

I am reading the student's blogs and so many of them have reached their goals or at least came darn close. I am proud of all of them. So many took this seriously and really tried to make positive changes in their lives. It has been really powerful to read about their journeys.

I am not so proud of myself though. I wanted to be so much further along the road to healthy. I have made some progress. I am definitely working out more and more intensely than I have in years now. But my body just doesn't feel like me. I don't feel strong or capable and I haven't felt that way in so long now. I miss it. I took it for granted when I felt well.

Last week and this week have been pretty good in terms of workouts. Yesterday's workout which started out super tough was abruptly cut short when my running partner fell and broke her wrist. IT SUCKED!! She is so tough though. She didn't cry or whimper or anything. She just said "hmmm yup that looks broken". And she is 11 weeks pregnant with her third child. She is okay but will be in a splint for awhile.

I plan on working out tomorrow after class and then Thursday and Friday and Saturday will be at the gym.

I will miss the student's blogs. They have been such help and inspiration.

You know mostly I am going to miss the students in this class. They are all amazing individuals.

Goals refined

My adventures in trying to reclaim my life continue.

Finally strangely even though I have been under insane amounts of stress lately, I feel more balanced and more productive. In the last two weeks I have been working out about 4 times a week better than I have been doing in years. My professional life is doing better too.

I went to the gym on Friday afternoon last week after a long meeting and saw a team of personal trainers training for THE MUD RUN. I took a photo but it doesn't capture at all the intensity of their workout. Each one was at a station and after 3 minutes they would change. They were bench pressing crazy amounts of weight, doing this weird variation on burpees, lifting medicine balls, and all of them were in great shape & were dripping in sweat.

I was on the treadmill alternating between jogging and walking quickly up steep hills (6 to 10% incline). I had been proud of myself and then when I saw them working out, I got freaked.

My brother, the great motivator that he is, has been yelling at me to run more dammit cause he wants to do well. At one point in February I thought I can get back into shape by June, maybe I can do well in this race.

Then somewhere in March I decided that I just want to finish without throwing up.

Now I don't care if I throw up on myself or on an innocent bystander or two, I just want to finish.

Updates - more coming

Last week was another fairly rough week. Lila was still sick. And then I got a cold and a migraine. When I see my Mom now I get a migraine- guaranteed. It's like clock work. She came up for Rowan's dance recital and the very next day that sucker hit and didn't leave for a couple days.

Still did okay in terms of getting in some exercise. I need to step up my training though. On Saturday I focused on hills and I know that is what I need to do to be able to even think about completing the race. All I want to do is finish. I don't care if I throw up or get filthy. I just want to do this. I keep trying to talk myself out of doing it at all but the stronger part of me insists it is still possible.

Monday - workout in the park. Rowan kept trying to get me to run faster. It was really motivating
Tuesday - walked 35 minutes (no running)

I have to figure out how to get some exercise in tomorrow. Friday and Saturday seem easier.

Links to helpful websites

Another quick update this week and a few happy links.

This week and last week have been good. I am working out well and I am starting to feel better about maybe not throwing up during the Mud Run. Instead of timing exactly how long each running interval is, I have been running as fast as I can for the length of one song. Some songs are short, others are the damn extended version. It is a cool way to do intervals cause you gotta push the whole time.

Monday I trained with some friends who did it last year and they reassured me that I can totally do the race. One member of their team walked almost the whole thing and they still finished in under two hours. I can do this. I think. I hope.

There are a few websites that have helped me.

1) I like Women's Health Magazine's website. They have great workouts on there and suggested playlists http://www.womenshealthmag.com/

2) Do you listen to Pandora radio? I love it. You start by telling it a song or artist that you really like and it builds a whole radio station based on that suggestion.

2) My husband has been doing the cross fit workouts and I found their description of the mud run http://www.crossfitsocal.com/crossfit_socal/2007/06/tips_for_the_mu.html I did say I could do this earlier right?

OH GOOD LORD. Don't wish me good luck. Pray for me. Everyone. There are fire hoses involved.

brief update

Well this week actually went well. This is sort of sad to admit how slow my progress has been but today I ran for more time than I walked. Okay "run" is sort of stretching it, I jogged for quite a bit today.

It's funny I have been happy that I am slowly losing weight and sort of blanked on the whole MUD RUN thing. Gee whiz. I have only 100 days left to get myself in gear.

So last week I worked out -
Monday -gym run/weights
Tuesday - walk/weight
Friday - walk/run weights
Saturday - Step class

This week so far -
Monday - walk/run weights
Tuesday - run/walk

My Cheerleaders

So who's my cheerleader? My husband and my kids. My husband has managed to encourage me to go to the gym without making me feel like a loser. My favorite comment was a simple "well you will feel better if you go and I was looking forward to building a huge fort with the girls, so go".

Rowan will chant "Go Mama Go" when I workout. She can handle being in the stroller for about 25-30 minutes and then she likes to get out and run with me. The crazy thing is, Rowan is FAST. We passed a runner one day in South Pas who literally said whoa she is a great training partner. Thom used to run track and field and I think Rowan may be destined to run too.

I run Tuesday mornings after I drop off Rowan at school. Lila hangs in the stroller. When I manage to run quickly she leans forward and actually says "wheeeeeeeeee". I like to peer down at her when I am working out and she smiles up at me.

Both girls really encourage me to workout. Because I have taken them with me to the park to workout since they were six months old, they both can do all sorts of exercises. Rowan has been doing push-ups, sit-ups and downward dog for about a year +. Lila gets pissed now when I won't let her out to run with Rowan, and has started doing push-ups with me. It is really adorable.

There is a picture of the kids doing part of the workout.


Last week sucked and will be ignored in this post. I have started a new training program, more running, more weights less aerobics classes. This is my week so far...

Monday - Ran at the gym + chest/triceps/quads/abs
Tuesdays - Long walk + back/biceps/hamstrings/abs

the plan is --

Wednesday -rest
Thursday - Ran at the gym + chest/triceps/quads/abs
Friday - Run/walk + back/biceps/hamstrings/abs
Saturday - Step class

WISH ME LUCK.

Barrier to change

My life is busy. I mean insanely busy. I literally don't sleep. My house is a wreck and I am constantly doing three things at once usually all of them badly. I have been really pretty good the last 6 weeks at getting my workouts in and eating well & then my BIGGEST barrier to working out reared its ugly head.

My daughters got sick. It started Thursday, Lila pictured here with my husband Thom had a weird breathing episode where she couldn't take a deep breath for almost an hour. We took her to the ER, where they observed her and then they gave her a breathing treatment. The pediatrician said that she has a virus that made her airwaves swell and then she was probably chocking on her own mucous. We were there for 5 hours. I didn't workout.

Friday night she started throwing up. She is super skinny for her age and she really cannot afford to lose more weight. I was scared for her, all day all night. I didn't workout.

Saturday, Lila was still lethargic, wasn't eating, and was barely drinking. I didn't workout.

Sunday night my older daughter started to get sick. Here she is with.. okay this is totally gross.. but her barf bowl. IT IS CLEAN. She is bringing it to me because yes you knew this was coming, I started to get sick too. I didn't workout.


Monday we watched a lot of movies and lazed around the house. I didn't workout.

Today was better.


The best way I think I can get past this barrier is that I need to workout when I can because my life is so hectic. I needed to workout on Thursday when we got back from the hospital. I wonder if I had taken better care of myself if I would have gotten sick. I also need to acknowledge that if my kids get sick I probably will so I need to get my exercise in when I can. I let worry and stress derail me.