Proud of the class

I am reading the student's blogs and so many of them have reached their goals or at least came darn close. I am proud of all of them. So many took this seriously and really tried to make positive changes in their lives. It has been really powerful to read about their journeys.

I am not so proud of myself though. I wanted to be so much further along the road to healthy. I have made some progress. I am definitely working out more and more intensely than I have in years now. But my body just doesn't feel like me. I don't feel strong or capable and I haven't felt that way in so long now. I miss it. I took it for granted when I felt well.

Last week and this week have been pretty good in terms of workouts. Yesterday's workout which started out super tough was abruptly cut short when my running partner fell and broke her wrist. IT SUCKED!! She is so tough though. She didn't cry or whimper or anything. She just said "hmmm yup that looks broken". And she is 11 weeks pregnant with her third child. She is okay but will be in a splint for awhile.

I plan on working out tomorrow after class and then Thursday and Friday and Saturday will be at the gym.

I will miss the student's blogs. They have been such help and inspiration.

You know mostly I am going to miss the students in this class. They are all amazing individuals.

Goals refined

My adventures in trying to reclaim my life continue.

Finally strangely even though I have been under insane amounts of stress lately, I feel more balanced and more productive. In the last two weeks I have been working out about 4 times a week better than I have been doing in years. My professional life is doing better too.

I went to the gym on Friday afternoon last week after a long meeting and saw a team of personal trainers training for THE MUD RUN. I took a photo but it doesn't capture at all the intensity of their workout. Each one was at a station and after 3 minutes they would change. They were bench pressing crazy amounts of weight, doing this weird variation on burpees, lifting medicine balls, and all of them were in great shape & were dripping in sweat.

I was on the treadmill alternating between jogging and walking quickly up steep hills (6 to 10% incline). I had been proud of myself and then when I saw them working out, I got freaked.

My brother, the great motivator that he is, has been yelling at me to run more dammit cause he wants to do well. At one point in February I thought I can get back into shape by June, maybe I can do well in this race.

Then somewhere in March I decided that I just want to finish without throwing up.

Now I don't care if I throw up on myself or on an innocent bystander or two, I just want to finish.

Updates - more coming

Last week was another fairly rough week. Lila was still sick. And then I got a cold and a migraine. When I see my Mom now I get a migraine- guaranteed. It's like clock work. She came up for Rowan's dance recital and the very next day that sucker hit and didn't leave for a couple days.

Still did okay in terms of getting in some exercise. I need to step up my training though. On Saturday I focused on hills and I know that is what I need to do to be able to even think about completing the race. All I want to do is finish. I don't care if I throw up or get filthy. I just want to do this. I keep trying to talk myself out of doing it at all but the stronger part of me insists it is still possible.

Monday - workout in the park. Rowan kept trying to get me to run faster. It was really motivating
Tuesday - walked 35 minutes (no running)

I have to figure out how to get some exercise in tomorrow. Friday and Saturday seem easier.

Links to helpful websites

Another quick update this week and a few happy links.

This week and last week have been good. I am working out well and I am starting to feel better about maybe not throwing up during the Mud Run. Instead of timing exactly how long each running interval is, I have been running as fast as I can for the length of one song. Some songs are short, others are the damn extended version. It is a cool way to do intervals cause you gotta push the whole time.

Monday I trained with some friends who did it last year and they reassured me that I can totally do the race. One member of their team walked almost the whole thing and they still finished in under two hours. I can do this. I think. I hope.

There are a few websites that have helped me.

1) I like Women's Health Magazine's website. They have great workouts on there and suggested playlists http://www.womenshealthmag.com/

2) Do you listen to Pandora radio? I love it. You start by telling it a song or artist that you really like and it builds a whole radio station based on that suggestion.

2) My husband has been doing the cross fit workouts and I found their description of the mud run http://www.crossfitsocal.com/crossfit_socal/2007/06/tips_for_the_mu.html I did say I could do this earlier right?

OH GOOD LORD. Don't wish me good luck. Pray for me. Everyone. There are fire hoses involved.

brief update

Well this week actually went well. This is sort of sad to admit how slow my progress has been but today I ran for more time than I walked. Okay "run" is sort of stretching it, I jogged for quite a bit today.

It's funny I have been happy that I am slowly losing weight and sort of blanked on the whole MUD RUN thing. Gee whiz. I have only 100 days left to get myself in gear.

So last week I worked out -
Monday -gym run/weights
Tuesday - walk/weight
Friday - walk/run weights
Saturday - Step class

This week so far -
Monday - walk/run weights
Tuesday - run/walk

My Cheerleaders

So who's my cheerleader? My husband and my kids. My husband has managed to encourage me to go to the gym without making me feel like a loser. My favorite comment was a simple "well you will feel better if you go and I was looking forward to building a huge fort with the girls, so go".

Rowan will chant "Go Mama Go" when I workout. She can handle being in the stroller for about 25-30 minutes and then she likes to get out and run with me. The crazy thing is, Rowan is FAST. We passed a runner one day in South Pas who literally said whoa she is a great training partner. Thom used to run track and field and I think Rowan may be destined to run too.

I run Tuesday mornings after I drop off Rowan at school. Lila hangs in the stroller. When I manage to run quickly she leans forward and actually says "wheeeeeeeeee". I like to peer down at her when I am working out and she smiles up at me.

Both girls really encourage me to workout. Because I have taken them with me to the park to workout since they were six months old, they both can do all sorts of exercises. Rowan has been doing push-ups, sit-ups and downward dog for about a year +. Lila gets pissed now when I won't let her out to run with Rowan, and has started doing push-ups with me. It is really adorable.

There is a picture of the kids doing part of the workout.


Last week sucked and will be ignored in this post. I have started a new training program, more running, more weights less aerobics classes. This is my week so far...

Monday - Ran at the gym + chest/triceps/quads/abs
Tuesdays - Long walk + back/biceps/hamstrings/abs

the plan is --

Wednesday -rest
Thursday - Ran at the gym + chest/triceps/quads/abs
Friday - Run/walk + back/biceps/hamstrings/abs
Saturday - Step class

WISH ME LUCK.

Barrier to change

My life is busy. I mean insanely busy. I literally don't sleep. My house is a wreck and I am constantly doing three things at once usually all of them badly. I have been really pretty good the last 6 weeks at getting my workouts in and eating well & then my BIGGEST barrier to working out reared its ugly head.

My daughters got sick. It started Thursday, Lila pictured here with my husband Thom had a weird breathing episode where she couldn't take a deep breath for almost an hour. We took her to the ER, where they observed her and then they gave her a breathing treatment. The pediatrician said that she has a virus that made her airwaves swell and then she was probably chocking on her own mucous. We were there for 5 hours. I didn't workout.

Friday night she started throwing up. She is super skinny for her age and she really cannot afford to lose more weight. I was scared for her, all day all night. I didn't workout.

Saturday, Lila was still lethargic, wasn't eating, and was barely drinking. I didn't workout.

Sunday night my older daughter started to get sick. Here she is with.. okay this is totally gross.. but her barf bowl. IT IS CLEAN. She is bringing it to me because yes you knew this was coming, I started to get sick too. I didn't workout.


Monday we watched a lot of movies and lazed around the house. I didn't workout.

Today was better.


The best way I think I can get past this barrier is that I need to workout when I can because my life is so hectic. I needed to workout on Thursday when we got back from the hospital. I wonder if I had taken better care of myself if I would have gotten sick. I also need to acknowledge that if my kids get sick I probably will so I need to get my exercise in when I can. I let worry and stress derail me.

Inspired by the class

So who inspired me this week? My students. This whole blog thing was in part an elaborate ruse to find the motivation to complete this Mud Run. Having 15 students read your progress is very motivating. I should also mention that my family and several of my friends read this now every week. No pressure huh? I love it when a friend tells me after reading my blog that I really need to run more days per week if I expect to make it through the mud run. It is working though. Even though my life is crazy I am working out more regularly than I have in years.

This week I made the students attend a session of Parisi Speed School. The class is about learning the proper technique for running and is a brutal workout that doesn't require really any equipment. I am hoping to get some funding to try this program in some inner city middle schools. Right now they do the program with more affluent teens and their families, and I would love to see how it works with other cultures and income brackets. The class is tough but the students all did really well. There are some photos attached.


Last week was not my best effort to be honest. I really only worked out three days and that counts the massive walking we did at Disneyland. Working at Rowan's school messed me up as did weird meetings all day on Thursday. So far this week has been better but that is for the next blog...

Monday = park workout
Friday = 2+ hours walking
Saturday = step class

Success last week? Not taking the tram from the parking lot into Disneyland. A small thing really but the best way to start your Disney trip is with a 20 minute power walk with both girls in the stroller. I noticed that the super fit Moms all had their kids in jogging strollers and sneered at the tram as they power walked to the park. I too will soon join their number as a skinny Mom in skinny jeans.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

Ugh. The thing about gyms, that apparently I have forgotten, is that they have mirrors everywhere. In my mind's eye I look a certain way but according to those fun house mirrors at the gym I look like an old tired pudgy chick. I kept trying to not catch sight of my butt while running on the treadmill but it was virtually impossible. I am trying to find it all motivating.

This week the students in my class should blog about their motivation for change. My motivation for change is in part that horrible mirror image that I saw today. I want to look better. I am sooo tired of feeling unfit, weak, heavy and tired.

My motivation for the Mud Run goes beyond just getting my body in shape though. Fear is a driving force. My Mom is ill. Weirdly ill. No one knows for sure what is going on but it seems like she is suffering from mini-strokes. She is 68 and is losing her memory, her personality, her ability to walk, her ability to connect.

Late at night I think I have 28 years left. Will I be able to be there for Rowan and Lila when they have their kids? Will this happen to me? My husband scoffs and says "but you are so much healthier than your Mom. Your Mom smokes, eats poorly and never exercises". He's right. I am healthier but I am carrying tons of extra weight on a very small frame. My mom has always been thin. Being this heavy is just about as bad as smoking, a few more pounds and it would be as bad as smoking a pack a day for my health. I want to be there to see my children marry, have children of their own, graduate from top universities (with full athletic scholarships). I want to be able to be around to help watch their kids when we all go to the beach. I want to be able to remember my granddaughters name.

My update for this week:

I only worked out 3 times this week.
Monday = Park workout
Tuesday = Running with Lila as coach
Saturday = Ran at the gym and lifted weights until my arms started to shake.

Successes this week included resisting birthday cake and the offered margarita at the birthday party today. I really wanted that damn margarita.

Is the step my friend or my nemesis? Or both?

These are photos of my first step class in four years. That is my friend Michelle Dozois on the left and on the right are my friend Betsy and my best friend Giusy. They are both in amazing shape despite Giusy's recent illness she looks hot and looked really strong in class. Do you see the people in the background looking in? They are thinking why would anyone do this to their bodies. That's me getting ready at the bottom of the post. I was so sure that I was going to puke. Michelle hadn't taught step in like 7 years and was muttering curses at Giusy for making her teach it again. I walked into the room and saw people I haven't seen in you know two babies worth of weight. A couple people looked at my rather less than stellar shape and you know just said nothing. The class was great. Michelle teaches a really fun class. After about ten minutes I thought "okay this is freakin hard". But Michelle made this class fairly simple and I was able to do a turn, a spin & a backwards touch thing. The class ended up being about 45 minutes long and she did some ab work at the end. That made me realize how weak my abs still are. I was in pain. I used to spend hours in the gym. I would do weights first and then do Michelle's class. I am happy that I made it through the 45 minutes.


Here is my update. Last week I almost trained like I should. I worked out 4 times and ran twice. I am trying to run three times a week and do 5 workouts a week.

Monday: Park workout
Tuesday: 30 Mins run/walk through South Pasadena - Lila was running coach
Thursday: 30 mins walk/run at Breakthru with some weights
Saturday: Step class

My goal and plan of action

I have never really been a runner. I have been athletic, but running has never really been my thing. My life is crazy now and I find that running is one of the easiest ways to get a good workout done in a minimal amount of time. I want a fitness challenge to work towards and I have decided to do the Camp Pendleton Mud Run this June. This is a 10k race with obstacles.

Karissa and Christy really encouraged me to it. Thom, Jay, Mara and a friend of Karissa's make up our 5 person team. They are all in much better shape then me and I worry about being the weak link. I have less than 6 months to get this body into fighting shape.

My plan of action is to start running three days a week and follow the cool running plan. I will also train with my other team members about once every two weeks. I will workout 2 additional days a week to mix it up.